The Other Side Of My Coin
by Of never nevermore
Summary: After Arthur’s odd behaviour of late, Merlin finds out exactly what was the matter with him. He had it coming really… So ridiculously fluff. If you can bear it, it's a simple friendship fic that came out of another attempt of mine to try yaoi. r&r plzthnx


**The Other Side Of My Coin**

After slowly padding along the corridors, Merlin hesitated as he stood outside Arthur's room wringing his hands. He could still hear the sounds of the feast in full swing below. Frowning a little he pushed the door further ajar and peered in. Arthur was there, lying front down on a hardwood bench for some unfathomable reason by the fire apparently fast asleep. Merlin watched as the Prince's body rose and fell with his deep, slow breathing, with the soft orange glow form the fire dancing on his blond hair, making it glitter gold.

Merlin frowned deeper, he had seen Arthur drink before but never like that; he had had to refill his wine jug every five minutes and as the feast wore on his face had grown darker and darker, more troubled as he stared at Merlin, and Merlin pretended not to notice. Needless to say, Merlin felt guilty, for it was he who provided the drink, and it was he who would be to blame for Arthur's insane hangover. Gently, his calloused fingers reached out and rested on Arthur's shoulder. He felt his warmth, and his deep wine sodden breaths and his twitch as he began to stir.

Merlin caught his breath when he saw Arthur's shiny blue eyes staring blankly into his own and it was then that he realised how heavily he had been breathing as he'd roved the sleeping prince's face with searching eyes. He blushed a little at the thought, and snapped his hand away as though electrified.

Merlin looked at him with surprise and concern. Arthur merely stared back expressionless.

"A…Arthur…" he stumbled over the statement, or question, or demand. He wasn't sure.

"Merlin…what're you doing?" he mumbled finally, and Merlin began to breathe again, hoping he wasn't sweating as his skin prickled.

"I…you…you left the feast early." He searched that handsome face for some kind of answer to his quandary. "You seemed …well – "

Arthur cleared his throat and rolled awkwardly on the narrow pew-like bench onto his back sighing heavily.

" – well I just wondered," Merlin continued trying not to look at the prince's languid body stretched out before him, "if you were alright."

The prince only looked at the ceiling as though it were the most important thing in the world. His lips parted slowly long before any sound came out. When it did it was steady and careful.

"Well I am. I'm fine."

"You don't look it."

"Merlin." Each letter was forced out through gritted teeth. "There is nothing wrong with me."

The young wizard licked his lips nervously, his stare intensifying so that it was a wonder Arthur could not feel it. Truthfully, he didn't think Arthur could be more wrong; it wasn't just tonight. For weeks Arthur had seemed distracted, torn, almost as though he was fighting with something unknown by anyone but himself. Around Merlin he retreated into a furtive silence, impenetrable by even the sharpest sword. It tormented Merlin incredibly to see Arthur so troubled; he felt so helpless when his magic could be of no use.

Merlin sighed lightly and sat back on his haunches beside the bench.

"Arthur," his tone was more confident, more gentle than before. The prince looked away from the stone ceiling at last only to turn and face the back of the bench, away from Merlin. The sorcerer felt his fingers itch and he placed a gentle hand upon Arthur's chest leaning in as though the closer he was the more he could lift his burdens. He hesitated again, wondering whether to speak at all. "I care about you. Whatever happens to you, it affects me too you know." He paused, Arthur said nothing. "And I know you well enough to see you're troubled; and it…it…it hurts me that I don't know what to do. Please. I'm not leaving till I know."

Only when he felt Arthur's heartbeat begin to speed up loudly against his ribcage did he notice he was still touching Arthur. For the second time that evening he withdrew his touch as violently as he had been struck by lightning, and for the second time he blushed a little. He could still feel the dancing rhythm of his heart so strong tingling in his fingers.

After a pause that may have been long or short, Arthur spoke in the same measured way yet with a hint of strain as though he were about to swallow a lot of pride.

"You're a good servant Merlin." He briefly glanced at his manservant with a quiet appreciation before closing his eyes with a small but sunny grin. "Get me a drink will you?"

Merlin blinked and stoop up worry still marring every line his face. He retrieved the bottle of wine from the table and shakily poured a small goblet full. Over his shoulder the dark haired youth saw Arthur running his hand through the golden silk of his hair making it stick up at all angles from his handsome delicate face that looked so dull these days. Merlin hadn't realised Arthur even had a confident beautiful glow until it was gone. He bit his lip and sighed into the goblet, his breath making the purple-red surface ripple slightly.

When Merlin returned to uncomfortable looking seat, Arthur appeared to be sleeping again. Tentatively, Merlin called out his name his voice growing softer and softer as he leaned in closer and closer to the sleeping youth's face.

A solid hand suddenly snapped around his wrist hard making him almost spill the goblet in his other hand from the surprise. It was all he could do not to have shouted out. He wasn't sure what though. Arthur's gaze was powerful, full of suspicion and searching. And desperation. Arthur pulled Merlin's wrist across his body, dragging the servant to his knees and inches away from his face. That stare was relentless.

"What were you doing?"

"Your drink." Merlin replied trying to be chirpy as always, and presented the goblet to the blond. His face burning red, Arthur could almost feel the heat; his pulse racing so fast and hard against his skin Arthur would surely hear it. After a moment, the prince took the drink, releasing Merlin and resting the goblet on his stomach, staring fixedly back at the ceiling with a frown as though it would only stay up if he stared at it. Merlin fell back, unnerved, on his haunches again. There was a long pregnant silence, each boy lost in his own thoughts.

"Merlin, promise me…promise me you'll never leave me."

Merlin gaped wide eyed in shock. "What?"

"I don't want you to ever leave my side. You _do_ something to me that I don't understand…everytime I'm in trouble, do you know what happens?" Arthur's voice was cracking somewhat, like he was struggling to allow the words to come out; that is, if these _were_ his words and they weren't just forming of their own accord. Merlin could see the sweat begin to glisten on his forehead, his eyebrows knitting together in either concentration of confusion. "I think of you…and…and then I'm fine. I'm saved. It's like you have some kind of _power_ that always helps me succeed. I mean _you_! Of all people! Clumsy, useless...servant. I don't know if you do it on purpose, or if I'm just imagining it, but…well I…I need you Merlin. It's like you're…you're the other side of my coin. Or something…"

Merlin could only stare. The effect of so many emotions flooding his mind at once was total numbness. He opened his mouth to speak but didn't know what to say. Arthur, however, seemed unable to prevent his words from escaping, the real worry on his face adding anxiety to Merlin's collection of emotions.

"I've seen you do magic."

Merlin froze completely. His heart stopped pumping; he might have panicked if his brain had not fallen dead.

"At first I thought it was my imagination- I mean, come on- _you_?! Doing magic?" he paused to look directly into Merlin's stricken face as if hoping he would correct him sometime soon. "But there was no mistaking: it was definitely you in Ealdor, and the caves, and under the Amathine rock. And it was definitely magic…Merlin, I…" he shook his head in belated horror, "Merlin, _why_? You _know_ magic is forbidden! I know you're hardly academic but I didn't think you were suicidally stupid!" his eyes were pleading with Merlin's.

Though he did not recall his body restarting, he found his mouth moving wordlessly. He knew this was it; the end. He had been caught practising and now he would die. Of course he had been caught, how could he be so foolish to believe he could get away with sorcery undetected forever?! He began to shake, his lips trembled. What would he do now? Would he flee and hide; would he stay and fight; or would he die like a man for his crimes of stupidity?

"I've been at a loss, Merlin. My loyalty is of course to my father and my kingdom, and magic has brought us far more harm than good. But you…I just…I n- wan- _need _you beside me. I feel it is fate that you are here, in my service. But, you're a sorcerer. You're a law breaker."

His mouth was so dry he could feel his tongue ripping away from his palette as he finally spoke in a trembling whisper: "What- what are you going to do?"

There was a silence and a pause and a quiet. Then –

"Nothing. I'm going to go on pretending I never saw it and father doesn't need to know. But you _must_ stop practising, Merlin; if someone else catches you, I – " Arthur swallowed hard "I wouldn't be able to protect you. Now you have to promise me you'll stop this."

Merlin grimaced and slowly, slowly shook his head. "I can't do that Arthur, I just can't. Magic is my life, it's who I am. It was magic that saved you all those times; it's magic that protects you – "

" – It's _you_ Merlin! You protect me, the magic is a tool – !"

" – No Arthur, it's my destiny, it's the reason I have these powers: you! I…I need magic… It's who I am…" he finished, voice cracking.

Arthur placed his non-goblet hand on his shoulder, firm but gentle. "Well then at least promise that you'll never leave me side." Merlin blinked at the prince's serious face. Surely he was joking, or was Arthur as foolish as he?

"But what if something goes wrong? What if I _am_ caught? That would incriminate you too. If I'm caught…I can't make a promise I can't keep to you."

"Well if our destiny is as you say it is I _clearly_ can't expect to rule my future kingdom without you, can I? You know, before you came along my life was perfect, brilliant in every way. After you, well…now I can't hope to live without you. Whatever befalls you, I'll need you here, so I'll stick by you. Can you promise me the same, manservant?"

There was a smile on the prince's beautiful face now, his hand tightly squeezing Merlin's shoulder with nothing but warmth and affection and relief. Merlin grinned slowly from ear to ear, genuine in every respect. He couldn't even muster an argument to Arthur's speech because these were the words he'd been wanting to here from the beginning, this is what he'd wanted ever since he came to Camelot, this feeling right now what the one he had dreamt of feeling all his life: relief, acceptance, devotion.

He laughed melodically and lifted the untouched goblet from Arthur's unresisting hand, before leaning in and throwing his arms around him awkwardly in their positions. He hugged him closely, unyieldingly and he never wanted to let go.

"I promise. Of course I do." He chuckled, the alcohol smell filling his nose as he breathed in the prince's shirt.

Suddenly Arthur pushed him away firmly and fast with no expression but a cool aristocratic disinterest without a trace of innebriation. "Good. Well, leave me now, I'm sure you have things to do." The shadow of a smile in the corners of his mouth and in the slow burning fires of his blue, blue eyes gave him away though. Merlin grinned inwardly. "And tomorrow I expect you muck out the horses, clean my boots, polish my armour, change my bed and…I'm sure I'll think of something else to keep you busy for the day." With that Arthur rose and sauntered regally over to his bed waving Merlin away dismissively.

Merlin bowed his head low. "Yes Sire, I'm _very_ sure that you will. 'Night Arthur."

The door clinked shut quietly and as Merlin made his way smirking back down to the celebrations below, he wondered if he might've gotten caught a little sooner…


End file.
